Every woman works, or ought to. But work doesn’t always mean paid work. Rearing children and caring for a home and husband are essential work as well as the kind that makes money. Today, however, most women do paid work as well as the work of building a home. We work because we need money to pay the bills. We work because we need to use and develop our talents to be fulfilled as human beings. And sometimes we work to get away for a bit and be, not just a mom, but a woman.
The tricky thing about women working outside the home is that the work inside the home does not go away while we are away. Someone must watch the children, tend their hurts, teach them to be kind, sing the ABCs, fix them lunch, help with homework, and a thousand other things. The work of making a house into a haven also must be done.
While men can and ought to do part of the work at home with children and housekeeping, the fact remains that women are uniquely suited and talented for the job of homemaking, which means we are the CEO inside our four walls no matter our other duties. In most cases, at best your husband is your support not the driving force. That’s okay, he has a sphere of duties just as essential.
“The career of motherhood and homemaking is beyond value and needs no justification. It’s importance is incalculable.”
— Katherine Short
That said, most women do need to go out into the world to earn money, which means they have to balance their lives.
Don’t Lose Perspective
Take the time to write down your big priorities in life. What is most important to you? This might take some soul searching because we often think that our big greedy wants are actually our needs.
Once you have your list evaluate how well your current life, the way you actually spend your time, reflects your priorities. Then make a plan to change things where needed.
Get a Grip On A Realistic Schedule
An ideal schedule is eight hours of work, eight hours of personal time, and eight hours of sleep. And then resting one day a week. If only life were perfect.
Work includes time spent making money, cleaning the house, caring for children, fixing meals, and doing charity or helping neighbors.
Personal time is time spent relaxing in front of the tv, playing games with your family, taking a walk, exercising, showering and dressing, reading a book, going out to lunch with a friend, or spending an evening with your husband.
So now that we know the ideal, most of us have to accept that that’s probably not going to happen all of the time. And if you have children under three years it will never happen. (cries gently) But just as knowing your priorities is essential so is knowing your ideal time division. You have to put realistic expectations on yourself. So many women are trying to do two full time jobs: one making money and one caring for their families, and then wondering why they can’t cope. You can’t cope because no human being was made to function that way.
So How Can You Do The Things You Need to Do and Not Go Crazy?
Go back to your list of priorities. The top three or four things should take up the bulk of your energy and attention. If money is one of them, that’s fine. Maybe you have to have a full time job to make ends meet. Hopefully, if you have kids, the kids and their well being is in there. Your husband deserves to be near the top of the list. And for many people, their relationship with God will be number one.
Spend some time thinking about how you are meeting each of those needs now and if there are adjustments you need to make. Just because something is important it doesn’t mean it needs to be time consuming every day. You might meet your spiritual needs in five or ten minute increments a few times a day. Your children might take up a couple of hours every morning and evening. And your relationship with your husband might be fostered with messages through the day, 30 minutes in the evening and a date every weekend.
Cut Back and Simplify
Now for the cutting back and simplifying. Here are some tips.
- Spend as little time making money as you can in practical terms and just enough that you feel fulfilled as a person. This is something you obviously need to discuss with your husband so you both are on the same page regarding your family goals and priorities.
- Train your children and husband (and yourself) to do a full house tidy at the end of every day, right before or after dinner. If the whole family is working, you can usually get dishes done, toys put away, projects cleaned up, floors swept, a load of laundry folded, and bathrooms wiped down in ten to fifteen minutes. For years I used a timer and tiny treats as motivation. This way no one has to spend much time on essential work that is nevertheless unfulfilling.
- Simplify dinner and meal planning. Keep ingredients on hand for five or so super simple meals to prep in 30 minutes for busy nights or when you are tired. Things like stir fry, spaghetti, pancakes, and tacos are excellent. For the rest of your meals train your kids to be useful and help with prep and cook simple one or two pan meals.
- Seriously consider working from home as an entrepreneur. Your schedule will be your own. It’s highly satisfying to build your own company doing something you love. Your schedule is flexible. And you rarely have to outsource child care so it saves money and you can be there for your kids.
- Train your children to be independent. It is not your job to entertain them, referee them, or help them with things they can handle on their own. Spend time in critical areas, not waiting on people hand and foot. Likewise they should know that when you are not available because you are sleeping, spending time with dad, working, or taking personal time, they need to leave you alone short of an emergency.
- Eat dinner together as a family with zero screens or technology every night (or pretty darn close to every night). Dinner time is prime time for family time. This hour is irreplaceable. It is usually the one regular time the whole family socializes together. You build relationships over the ritual of a nightly meal.
Accept That You’re Going Drop a Few Balls
Life often feels like a juggler keeping everything going at once and someone keeps tossing more balls into the mix. Here’s an excellent video to help you keep the balls you’re juggling in perspective.
I’d like to take this a step further. Think about everything you did today from your morning shower to getting a drink of water for the toddler to driving to work to walking the kids to the bus stop. If you listed every little thing there would eb hundreds in any given day. Every one of those things is a ball. Some are glass, a big things breaks if you don’t do them, and others are rubber, if you skip it today the sky won’t fall and they will be there tomorrow.
Practice recognizing which balls are glass and which are rubber and prioritize accordingly. Never feel guilty for dropping a rubber ball.
The key to balancing work and life is not giving yourself more of a burden than you can actually handle. You do that by prioritizing and cutting out extra things, by getting your family to help, and by recognizing what is important each and every day.
